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MISTY'S SPACEJust for a laugh |
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May 26 Lipstick in SchoolAccording to a news report, a certain private school in Newcastle upon
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. April 16 computer troubleI was having trouble with my computer. So I called John,
April 11 Cancer warningBottled water in your car is very dangerous! On the Ellen show, Sheryl Crow said this is what caused her breast cancer. It has been identified as the most common cause of the high levels of dioxin in breast cancertissue. Sheryl Crow's oncologist told her:women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car. The heat reacts with the chemicals in the plastic of the bottle which releases dioxin into the water. Dioxin is a toxin increasingly found in breast cancer tissue.. So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has been l eft in a car. Pass this on to all the women in your life. This information is the kind we need to know that just might save us! Use a stainless steel canteen or a glass bottle instead of plastic! LET EVERYONE WHO HAS A WIFE / GIRLFRIEND / DAUGHTER KNOW PLEASE! This information is also being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center No plastic containers in microwave No water bottles in freezer No plastic wrap in microwave.. A dioxin chemical causes cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.Recently, Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers... This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat,and plastic releases dioxininto the food and ultimately into the cells of the body... Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramiccontainers for heating food.. You get the same results, only without the dioxin.So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc.,should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved awayfrom the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons... Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran wrap, is just as dangerous whenplaced over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the highheat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel instead. This is an article that should be sent To anyone important in Your life! April 08 THE FATHERA little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed said "I am the Father of hundreds" and went badk to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should use a condom and wear your pants backwards instead of your collar".
April 01 Cat in a bagA friend said that they liked my pussy! And this one reminded them of mine. So cute! March 31 Congratulations!!! We are pleased to inform you ofIf you receive an e-mail saying the following This is a HOAX Do not open the e-mail. I do not do the lottery online so I did not open it. Congratulations !!! BATCH NUMBER: 065/088/XY24 Euro EnglishRead very very slowly and carefully...
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. in the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining
'ou' and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas. If zis mad you smil, pas on to oza pepl. February 22 Two nunsTwo nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it ?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man", replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice boobs," says the man, "Where do you want the blinds ?" February 16 KidsKids Are Quick ____________________________________ TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ________________________________ ____________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' _________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher February 06 Funny web page names!Take a look at the names of these web sites - they just did not think first, did they!
http://www.speedofart.com/ is it the speed of art? or the speedo fart?
http://www.penisland.net/ is it pen island? or penis land?
http://www.therapistfinder.com/ is it therapists finder? or the rapist finder?
http://www.expertsexchange.com/ is it the experts exchange? or the expert sex change?
http://www.whorepresents.com/ is it the who represents? or the whore presents? February 01 A letter from the managementDear employee
we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement,
thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W.
(Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED
as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: H.E.R.P.E.S.
(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance)
or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).
As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P.
will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy
of training employees through our:
Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).
We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area.
If any employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job,
see your immediate supervisor.
Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T.
you can stand. And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us! The Management January 22 Catholic WisdomA 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. January 20 Old School photosI couldn't believe it, check it out. This website is amazing. They actually have photographs of almost every School in the World. Unless you went to School when camera's weren't invented, you will find a photo of yourself or at least your classmates. Click on the link below or type it into your search line. You have to enter the name of your school and Year that you were there. http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com/wsp/index1.htm January 13 Interesting facts on Honey and cinnamonFacts on honey and cinnamon
It is found that a mixture of honey and cinnamon cures most Diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a "Ram Ban" (very effective) medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without any side Effects for any kind of diseases. Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly World News, a Magazine in Canada , on its issue dated 17 January, 1995 has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists: ال. HEART DISEASES:
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack. Also, those who have already had an attack, if they do this Process daily they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat. In America and Canada , various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients may take daily, morning, and night, One cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, They found that within a week, out of the 200 people
BLADDER INFECTIONS:
Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder. TOOTHACHE:
Make a paste of one teaspoon of cinnamon powder and five teaspoons of honey and apply on the aching tooth. This may be applied three times a day until the tooth stops aching.
CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of cinnamon powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient were found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol is cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol. By the way, if you're taking cholesterol medicine, STOP! They all contain STATIN which weaken your muscles...including YOUR
COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses. UPSET STOMACH:
Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root. GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan , it is revealed that if honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas. : IMMUNE SYSTEM:
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacterial and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant Use of honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals. INFLUENZA: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural ingredient which kills the influenza germs and Saves the patient from flu. LONGEVITY: a 20-year-old.
PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.
SKIN INFECTION:
Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts, cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections. WEIGHT LOSS:
Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high calorie CANCER: Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three times a day. . FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 p.m. when the vitality of the BAD BREATH:
People of South America , first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day.
HEARING LOSS:
Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restore hearing January 08 New kind of Breast Cancer - Paget's diseaseNew kind of Breast Cancer - DO NOT DELETE
 Please forward to all of the women in your lives . Mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, friends, etc. In November, a rare kind of breast cancer was found. A lady developed a rash on her breast, similar to that of young mothers who are nursing. Because her mammogram had been clear, the doctor treated her with antibiotics for infections. After 2 rounds, it continued to get worse, so her doctor sent her for another mammogram. This time it showed a mass. A biopsy found a fast growing malignancy. Chemo was started in order to shrink the growth; then a mastectomy was performed; then a full round of Chemo; then radiation. After about 9 months of intense treatment, she was given a clean bill of health. She had one year of living each day to its fullest. Then the cancer returned to the liver area. She took 4 treatments and decided that she wanted quality of life, not the after effects of Chemo. She had 5 great months and she planned each detail of the final days. After a few days of needing morphine, she died. She left this message to be delivered to women everywhere: Women, PLEASE be alert to anything that is not normal, and be persistent in getting help as soon as possible. Paget's Disease: This is a rare form of breast cancer, and is on the outside of the breast, on the nipple and aureole. It appeared as a rash, which later became a lesion with a crusty outer edge. I would not have ever suspected it to be breast cancer but it was. My nipple never seemed any different to me, but the rash bothered me, so I went to the doctor for that. Sometimes, it itched and was sore, but other than that it didn't bother me. It was just ugly and a nuisance, and could not be cleared up with all the creams prescribed by my doctor and dermatologist for the dermatitis on my eyes just prior to this outbreak. They seemed a little concerned but did not warn me it could be cancerous. Now, I suspect not many women out there know a lesion or rash on the nipple or aureole can be breastcancer. (Mine started out as a single red pimple on the aureole. One of the biGgest problems with Paget's disease of the nipple is that the symptoms appear to be harmless. It is frequently thought to be a skin inflammation or infection, leading to unfortunate delays in detection and care.) What are the symptoms? 1. A persistent redness, oozing, and crusting of your nipple causing it to itch and burn (As I stated, mine did not itch or burn much, and had no oozing I was aware of, but it did have a crust along the outer edge on one side.) 2. A sore on your nipple that will not heal. (Mine was on the aureole area with a whitish thick looking area in center of nipple). 3. Usually only one nipple is effected. How is it diagnosed? Your doctor will do a physical exam and would suggest having a mammogram of both breasts, done immediately. Even though the redness, oozing and crusting closely resemble dermatitis (inflammation of the skin), your doctor should suspect cancer if the sore is only on one breast. Your doctor should order a biopsy of your sore to confirm what is going on. This message should be taken seriously and passed on to as many of your relatives and friends as possible; it could save someone's life. My breast cancer has spread and metastasized to my bones after receiving mega doses of chemotherapy, 28 treatments of radiation and taking Tamaxofin. If this had been diagnosed as breast cancer in the beginning, perhaps it would not have spread... TO ALL READERS: This is sad as women are not aware of Paget's disease. If, by passing this around on the e-mail, we can make others aware of it and its potential danger, we are helping women everywhere. Please, if you can, take a moment to forward this message to as many people as possible, especially to your family and friends. It only takes a moment, yet the results could save a life. THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS1: I prefer breasts to legs. December 16 ParrotOne day a man walked into a bar and sat down next to a guy with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender said, "Cute parrot, does he talk?" The guy with the parrot says, "He does more than just talk, watch". The guy lit a match and placed it under the parrot's left foot.
Then the parrot started singing "Jingle Bells". It was a Christmas Parrot.
The guy then placed the match under the right foot and the parrot then started to sing
"The 12 days of Christmas".
The bartender said, "That's incredible". He then asked, "What does he say when you place the match between his feet?"
The guy said, "You know I never tried that, let's see". When the match was placed between the feet of the parrot it began to sing a familiar tune... "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire". December 04 Skinned alive Please helpPlease take the time to SIGN they need your HELP There is no need to see the video, but if you must, be aware, it's horrible. The following video is of excruciating violence. Its painful silences affect us all deeply. If we don't protect animals from this type of brutality, this will continue to go on! With a hidden camera, animals (including domestic dogs and cats) were filmed being SKINNED ALIVE!!! They say it's done to get a more perfect ''cut''; afterwards the carcasses are tossed into a pile, still alive, and for up to 10 minutes you can see their hearts still beating, in agony, their eyes still blinking, and the puppies' little paws still shaking. There was one pup, that still lifted his head and gazed at the camera with bloodied eyes. http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=fur_farm&Player=wm&speed=med Please sign and forward to all your contacts - this has to be stopped!!! If you want to see the video, please sign and forward to your friends: this monstrosity has to be stopped, we have to act!! November 30 A Cows tailA man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, 'What happened to YOU?' 'Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.' 'I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'' 'I don't remember much after that' November 13 11th NovemberIn MEMORIAM - 60 YEARS LATER PM’s Armistice Day tribute http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1570028817/bctid1913280596
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) expecially for the pictures of barbies! if you want visit my spaces 
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